Pit

The Words:

exhausted, revenge, extremely major, interruption, why, entertainment, friendship, happily every after, honesty, jealousy

**

There is an exhausted voice in my head that keeps asking why. It's like self-entertainment, an almost happily-ever-after rebellion to the actual revenge. Losing you wasn't like pouring water down the drain. Keeping you where you are is like watching a humming bird's wings: there, but never there. And where I keep you is dangerous.

You were just sitting there with your book, and I was watching, this sweet sort of jealousy crawling up my spine. The jealousy of beauty. The jealousy of eloquence. A painter would only need one glance to see it. But you were sitting there with your book and the phone rang. Interruption. I let it ring and at the second one, you lifted your head and looked at me. Third ring. I ran. Halfway through fourth and I was saying something into the mouth piece.

Perhaps at that moment, you were putting the cherry in your mouth.

It was Francis. Your Francis. Your epitome of the perfect gay-straight friendship, Francis. He told me hello. You were chewing the cherry now. I smiled because I liked Francis. He was my epitome of fun honesty. I was laughing now. And you were swallowing.

He told me that there would be champagne and cheese. The kind from Europe and otherwise. I told him you were busy. You were busy turning blue. He laughed and said I was such a hogger. I laughed back and said But she's mine first, right? You were screaming soundlessly. He laughed some more and told me to be there at 8. I said maybe. You were fainting.

I hooked the phone back. Francis was such a goof I said, and walked in.

You were gone.

Losing you wasn't like pouring water down the drain. Keeping you where you are is like watching a humming bird's wings: there, but never there.

And where I keep you is dangerous.